The Role of Humor in Coping with Grief

Grief is one of those unavoidable human experiences, like taxes or getting a cold. But unlike taxes, grief doesn’t come with a clear guidebook to help you navigate the mess. One coping mechanism, though, might surprise you: humor. Yes, laughter and loss seem like total opposites, but they actually go hand in hand more than you’d expect.

But, why Humor?

If you’ve ever been to a funeral and caught yourself laughing at an inside joke or a fond memory, you’re not a terrible person, you’re just human. 

When I attended the funeral of my best friend's father, a famous Filipino comedian was there and was one of the pallbearers. While it was happening, he kept making wholesome jokes, and we couldn't stop laughing. Everything was done, the burial was over, yet it seemed like no one cried. It became a joyful occasion, and he said, “This is what my kumpare wanted, for all of us to be happy”.

As you can see, humor has a way of sneaking into even the darkest moments, acting like an emotional pressure valve. Studies have shown that laughter releases endorphins, lowers stress, and helps build social bonds. In short, cracking jokes or finding humor in difficult situations isn’t just a coping mechanism, it’s science-backed self-care.

I do believe that humor is the best social connector. Grieving is isolating, and sometimes, people don’t know what to say to someone who’s mourning. But humor? Humor is a universal language. Sharing funny memories, telling ridiculous stories about the person you lost, or even just sending questionable but funny memes that remind you of them can be a way to keep their spirit alive.

According to the study from Case Western Reserve University, When we’re grieving, our brain is working overtime, trying to process loss, adjust to change, and manage emotions. It’s exhausting. But humor offers us a neurological break. Laughing activates the brain’s reward system, flooding your body with dopamine and serotonin, those feel-good chemicals that are basically nature’s way of saying, “Hey, I got you.”

The Fine Line Between Coping and Avoidance

Of course, there’s a difference between using humor as a healthy coping mechanism and using it to avoid dealing with grief. If you’re constantly cracking jokes to dodge the real feelings underneath, you might be using humor as an emotional escape hatch. I’ve been in that situation, and believe me, your laughter will end up sounding like pain.

When I was younger, back when my grandmother on my father's side passed away, I didn’t want people to see me grieving. So, I did my best to joke around excessively to entertain them and keep them from noticing my pain. But this didn’t end well, it only hurt me more and made the world around me feel even darker.

You see, grief doesn’t disappear just because we try to be funny. It still needs to be processed. The key is balance: laugh when you need to, cry when you need to, and give yourself the space to feel both.

Give yourself permission to laugh. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But if you find yourself smiling at an old joke, chuckling at a memory, or even making a sarcastic comment about the loss, don’t feel guilty. Laughing doesn’t mean you loved someone any less, it means you’re allowing joy and sorrow to coexist. And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful. So go ahead! Crack a joke, share a meme, and remember: Grief is hard, but laughter makes it a little easier to bear, kind of like putting gravy on dry fried chicken. It doesn’t fix everything, but at least it goes down smoother!

Author:

Erick Reyes, Multi-media Artist

Sources:

Using Humor as a Coping Tool by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 2020.

Humour and grief by Sue Rider, 2020

Laughing is good for you—here’s why, by Case Western Reserve University, 2023