The Journey to Forgiveness

“How do you forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness? More painfully, how do you forgive someone who is no longer here? And what do you do with the anger that lingers?”

My friend’s words caught me off guard as we were having coffee and catching up on the three years we hadn’t spoken. I wasn’t sure if he was asking rhetorically or if he truly wanted an answer. I didn’t have an answer for him. How could I? I had never experienced that exact kind of pain. But I did know about holding onto anger. As I searched for the right words, I hesitantly asked, “Are you afraid that if you let go of that anger, you’ll lose the last connection you have with your dad?” He nodded silently.

Losing someone isn’t just about mourning their absence; it’s mourning the conversations we never had, the apologies we never received, and the closure we never got.

When the person you need to forgive is gone, forgiveness isn’t about resolution; it becomes about reclaiming your own peace. It means choosing to remember them not just for the pain they caused, but for who they were in their entirety. It means making space for healing instead of allowing anger to be the only thing that remains. Anger is powerful, and suppressing it only makes it grow. Left unchecked, it can take root in our hearts, manifesting as stress, anxiety, or bitterness. Yet we hesitate to let it go, fearing that moving forward means forgetting.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It isn’t about excusing what happened, pretending the pain never existed, or forcing closure that isn’t there. Forgiveness is a deeply personal choice—a decision to release resentment, not for those who has gone before us, but for those left behind. It doesn’t require the other person’s participation; it is something you do within your own heart to find peace.

But forgiveness does not erase the past—it reshapes how we carry it forward. Letting go of anger doesn’t mean losing them; it means choosing to carry them in a way that brings more peace than pain. Forgiveness in grief isn’t a single moment—it’s a journey. Some days, the anger will feel lighter; other days, it will settle in again. And that’s okay. Healing is not about rushing. It’s about making room for love, understanding, and, in time, peace.

Author:
Isabelle Aira Fernando, Events Specialist